Someone (thank you my other half) made it known to me recently that sometimes this blog doesn't exactly portray our life as it is lived. I think it's mainly because I'm a relatively positive person, and partly because who wants to do a bad day over? Not me. However, I thought maybe I should give you a glimpse into my life. My real life.
Today was pretty much a good day. Mostly because I worked this morning and then was able to go grocery shopping with only a sleeping Jackson. Any day that I can do house hold errands with only one child is a good day in my book. And dinner started out as a frozen block of pork and frozen mashed potatoes. So...not much was required of me to feed us. And then the boys both went down without a fuss around 8:30. Like I said, today was pretty much a good day.
Yesterday, not so much. I'm sick and felt like I'd been hit by a bus most of the day. Graham followed me around whining, so I let him watch like 3 movies in a row so that I could sort of doze on the couch and try to ignore my headache. Jackson was good yesterday...until bedtime.
I think most of my attitude problem revolves around my recent revelation that I'm a worrier. I worry about almost everything. I worry about getting my to-do list done every day. I worry that I won't get any me time each day. I worry that Graham will never eat a vegetable. I worry that Graham will squish Jackson when I'm not looking. I worry that Baxter is going to literally chew through the door frame in the kitchen. I worry when Matt leaves the house about him getting into a car accident. I worry about Graham watching too much TV. I worry that I watch too much TV. I worry about being able to pay our bills this month. I worry that our chimney is going to fall off the house. I worry about not holding Jackson enough. I worry....
I'm reminded of Matthew 6:33-34 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for today is its own trouble."
Someone said something at Bible study this week that really struck me. "I may believe something with my whole heart and not trust it in this moment."
I believe that Jesus is on His throne. He lives! I am His and He loves me. More intimately than I can imagine. And I worry about Graham and his vegetables? Seriously? Show me a little perspective and I realize how insane my mom brain can be.
I've been learning so much at Bible study this semester. We've been studying the Psalms. Obviously there is much more to the Psalms than just prayer, but I've learned how I should be praying. I've been missing out! I should be praying confidently and honestly to my Abba Father. I forget that daily. Hourly.
All that to say...life isn't all cupcakes and bubbles in this house. Far from it.
Honestly, it's hard. I love my husband, my babies, and my family more than my own life.... but sometimes life is just hard.
And that's the truth.
5 comments:
Hi Leslie! I miss you at work friend! Also, you will always be the most positive and cheery person I know, and I think that's a good thing! :)
Way to keep it real, Leslie. And great reminders about the perspective we ought to keep in the midst of inconveniences. Love and miss you!
Leslie, I can totally relate to everything you said here. I'm a major worrier. I always think every one I love is going to die and when I say good bye I get teary sometimes "because its the last time I'll ever see them." Its unhealthy and morbid. And if I'm not worried about death, I'm totally freakin' out about what we'll have for dinner next Tuesday night.
God tells us not to worry. Simple as that. But life is hard. Sometimes all you can do is just survive the day.
Thanks for such an honest post.
Hey girl, thank you for your post. I also worry - about everything. I hope you don't have the cynicism that I have. Trying to keep things in perspective IS hard. Lets try a little bit each day and continue to give our worry to the Lord.
I worry constantly as well... Big things, little things, everything. Completely identify... Great verse and thoughts, thanks.
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